I was having lunch with a brilliant young woman the other day who kindly met me at Chick-Fil-A; not because it’s either one of our favorite places, but because I have two small children. It’s one of the few places I can actually have a conversation with another adult without being interrupted too many times. We were discussing a collaboration for her photography business and my blog and the ideas were flowing! While we chatted, it came up that she was divorced and didn’t have children of her own, but was very close to her young niece and nephews.
Then, she mentioned that she felt most moms stereotyped women who didn’t have kids – like they didn’t understand what they may go through on a daily basis.
SHE WAS RIGHT.
It hit me like a ton of bricks. I had become a MOM-Snob. I was that woman who stereotyped women who didn’t have children. How did that happen? Before kids, I was the woman who was every mother’s nightmare. I was terrible about children and had no clue what it meant to interact with them.
It’s so true, though and I’m so grateful to her for shedding light on this topic. I ran through my “friends” list and most every single one – was a mom. I had literally snuffed out my friends who were either single or coupled up without children. Cue the shame!!!
When had I gotten so “judgey”? Prior to me having Mackenzie I was the epitome of the single girl. Out on the town, brunch every Sunday with endless mimosas, taking my dogs with me to every single event….I rolled my eyes at children out in public as if they didn’t have a right to be there. AND WHY WEREN’T THE PARENTS CONTROLLING THEIR CHILDREN?
I have to laugh at myself back then. I was an idiot. It’s amazing what carrying a child around and having it stretch my skin and losing my bladder control for 41 weeks of my life will do for a perspective. Not to mention birthing that child. Then, caring for the babe for a year straight with very little sleep. All the bouncing, singing, listening to endless Mickey Mouse clubhouse songs, catching a tiny person’s snot, vomit, poop and god knows what else in my bare hands……it changes a woman. And don’t get me started on the nursing and the pumping and the constant cycle of bottles that never seem to stay clean. (God – WHY do the Doctor Brown bottles have SOOO many parts?!?!)
Not to mention when that babe learns to become mobile.
So, yes, I had become a snob. I didn’t expect anyone who hadn’t gone through mom-ing to get it. Hence, my friend circle had turned into just moms. They understood. They got it. How could anyone who didn’t have kids really grasp just what it was all about?
For starters – it’s up to us to let them in. Ask for them to be apart of our lives and be privy to all the craziness and chaos that motherhood actually is. It isn’t for us to dictate who can handle it. Let them decide! I am taking a stand – RIGHT NOW – I will no longer be a mom-snob.