When we discussed doing a challenge that involved having sex every day for a month, it didn’t seem all that difficult. We love each other, we love spending time together….we enjoy one another, mentally, emotionally and physically. Before kids, we didn’t have to think much about sex. It happened spontaneously and without effort.
Fast forward six years and two kids later.
Sex takes EFFORT. And planning. And locked doors.
I’m happy to report that Week 1 is in the books – we have successfully completed the first week of the challenge! I feel so silly uttering this out loud – to the public and to the world (and to my mother-in-law, who reads my blog religiously….Hi, Mama Starbuck!). Even though sex is in our everyday surroundings – in books, magazines, ads, movies, memes, and conversations – I still feel that it’s taboo.
The fact that we are in this challenge means that it’s a daily conversation. Which is odd, because we typically don’t openly talk about our sexual relationship. If we do, it’s usually because one of us feels a lack in intimacy. Taking the lack out of the question, made it a bit more fun! With our schedules, evenings are our only time to truly be alone. After the kids go to down to bed we have a few hours to just relax and enjoy an adult conversation. This past week, we had to be a bit more creative due to Bryan’s work schedule and having to go in later and having an afternoon off from work. We happened to have both kids at home and had to be strategic about sneaking away, but we did it! And it was worth it.
Challenges we faced: exhaustion (Day 4, we were both tired due to our days and we had to make the effort); timing (Day 5 was a terrible day and we had to sneak it in the afternoon making it less than “delightful”).
Pros we found: a renewed excitement for sex (it is something we both look forward to. I haven’t decided if it’s completely because of the sex OR because we both are a bit competitive); a definite closeness in our emotional relationship; better sleep; having a fun topic of conversation with friends; a reason to keep going to the gym (we have to keep our strength up!).
We had two date nights in the course of the first week, but they were both with other couples. The first was with my mom and her boyfriend and we went out for sushi and had a lovely time. The second was with our good friends, Jaclyn and Sean, and we went out for Mexican food. Both times we enjoyed ourselves, had some drinks and good food and genuinely had a great time chatting, laughing, and taking time for each other as opposed to just being Mommy and Daddy. I did notice that on the nights we went out SANS kids that we both were more relaxed and able to truly revel in a more intimate setting than the nights we were coming off of our normal days of work, appointments, kids, etc.
My take from WEEK 1 is that date nights are VITAL. There is no IF, ANDS, BUTS to follow that. DATE NIGHTS ARE VITAL.
They need to be planned, baby-sitters hired, and outfits picked out. They can be low-key or a bit more extravagant, but either way – they MUST happen. It allows each one of you to be individuals instead of just co-parents. And the person you fell in love with was an individual – not just your childs’ mom or dad.
I have a feeling that Week 2 is going to be a bit more challenging, but we are determined to press on and keep it up! (Hahaha….PUN INTENDED 🙂 How do you sneak in ways to be more romantic and intimate? I’d love to hear! Drop me a comment!