I’ve been here before. The first time Mackenzie was 7 months old. The second time Marshall was 4 months old. Now is the third time and Mackenzie is almost 6 and Marshall is almost 4.

It doesn’t get easier. I prayed that it would, but as I sit here, having my glass of wine blogging about collaborations and sales and sending messages to friends that are going through much worse than I am, I realize that it will never be easy.

Making the choice to leave my full time career in property management was actually quite easy. I had been in it for almost 14 years and I was burnt out. I was thriving in a part time direct sales job that was paying me more than my full-time salary. For the first six months, I focused on that and did pretty well at being a stay-at-home-mom. And then I realized that it was necessary to make some kind of consistent income to continue to shop, travel, and have some kind of fun in life.

I became a Barre instructor. I became a Life Insurance Sales Producer. WE MOVED TO MISSISSIPPI. I became a FASTer Way to Fat Loss Coach. I became an influencer. I started working at LOFT part time. And now, after it all – I am going back to property management.

I can’t say that this was the plan. The plan was to continue to work from home and be with my kids. But, no one actually pays you to raise your own children. (Shocker, huh?) .

I have a high school education so my options in careers are somewhat limited; even though I feel it’s unfair to say that I couldn’t be successful in anything I chose to do. I have been around multifamily property management since I was 18 years old. I grew up in it. I have learned invaluable lessons about customer service, empathy, business management, employee relations and they have continued to aide in my everyday dealings with people.

But it is never easy to admit that you may have been wrong in leaving the first time around. It’s never easy to admit that in going back to a past chapter of life that you are admitting defeat. It’s never easy to make that drop off at a full time daycare where someone else will be doing what you did for your own baby and knowing that you won’t be there to kiss every hurt or soothe every cry.

Debts need to be paid. Savings accounts need to grow. Our children are only getting older (thank God) and eventually they will need braces, team sport funds, cars, trips, college tuitions, and weddings. Bryan and I want to travel the world and see the places like Hawaii that we never dreamed of seeing in person together.

All of this costs money and when only one person in the family is consistently making a paycheck, it’s not feasible to achieve in the time that it will take to do all of the things we want to do.

So, tonight is my last night as a work-from-home mom. Tomorrow, I will resume my career in property management. I am excited, but sad. My heart is heavy as I think of the drop off with Marshall in the morning. My eyes burn with tears at the thought of not being here when Mackenzie gets off the bus in the afternoons. I’ve been spoiled the last two years at having the freedoms that I’ve had. But working full time allows a different kind of freedom.

So, if you are on the cusp of a new chapter of heading back to work full time, out side the home – know that it is not easy. But, you’re not alone. And it’s o.k. to mourn the losses of your old schedule and your old life. I am going to choose to celebrate the moments that will bring me joy in the future. Let’s celebrate them together, shall we?

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